Muslim, Single, Female | What’s my purpose?
A couple of days ago, I came across a post on an all-women Facebook group where a young Muslimah asked about how to find your purpose in life. A sentence that stood out to me said: “Please do not tell your kids that marriage is their purpose. As an unmarried woman, I do not relate.”
The dilemma faced by our smart sister is the same for many of us. The societal pressures of finding a spouse and having children in order to fulfil the narrative our families have painted for can become daunting. Can we be unmarried and still lead a fulfilling, purposeful life? Here’s my take on it.
Marriage is a beautiful institution, yet it is only a part of life and not your whole life. We need to make our youth feel included, even if they haven’t gotten married yet. To associate the purpose of life with marriage naturally makes the young feel worthless. The idea is to not denounce marriage but to guide the youth on how to go about life when they haven’t yet received the rizq of marriage. Yes, make du’aa, take measures to get married, have tawakkul in Allah, learn about what marriage is, and inshallah, Allah will grant you the best. Until then, do your best to be among the best slaves of Allah, utilizing the capabilities and resources that Allah has bestowed upon you now. There’s a huge list of things that we can do to fulfil our purpose in this Dunya. Before diving into “how,” let’s first see “what” the purpose is.
Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala mentions in the Qur’an:
“I have not created the jinn and humans except for my worship.”
(Surah Az-Zaariaat, 51: 56)
Does that worship entail only prayers, fasting, hajj, etc.? No doubt, all these acts are noble and fard acts of worship with immense virtues, yet worship in Islam is a comprehensive and wholesome concept. In the words of our teacher and well-known da’ee of our times, Dr. Bilal Philips, worship in Islam is a broad concept – every act is a potential act of worship provided we do it with sincerity to Allah, and follow the Sunnah; even the act of going to the toilet and relieving ourselves can earn us rewards if we follow the Sunnah of reciting the du’aa of entering the toilet, stepping the left foot in the toilet first, stepping out with right foot first and saying the du’aa of coming out. SubhanAllah,this concept can be extended to all realms of life. Therefore, if someone becomes a doctor or psychologist or any medical-related position, intending to gain Allah’s pleasure through treating the ill people, it is an act of ibadah. If a person becomes an engineer, or a teacher, or starts a business with the intention of providing Muslims with relevant facilities in an Islamic way, then these too become acts of worship.
Thus, married or not, we can utilize our potential to be among the best slaves of Allah by making the best of our abilities and time, inshallah. If you are good at writing, you can write to educate people about Islam and other subjects. If you can cook or bake you can start a small business out of it and provide people with halal foods, and spend from that income on charity. If you like to paint or draw or are interested in arts and crafts, you can make cards for different occasions, or gift Quranic/Hadithic du’ass or azkaar writing and designing them beautifully. If you have the knowledge, you can surely share it with others. Last, but not least, the best resource you have is yourself and your time – you can spend it listening to a grieved soul or an elderly or lonely person and listen to the burden on their chest. Doing all of these, for the sake of Allah, will earn you tremendous rewards. In sha Allah.
One thing we can all do, no matter what our age or occupation or location is – seek knowledge. The most virtuous of all areas of knowledge is that of deen that one can never claim to have acquired fully. In addition to that, participating in programs related to self-grooming and self-awareness is also an immensely valuable investment we can make in ourselves.
Youth is a prime time when we can learn more about ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses, and our triggers and motivators, and hence operate from a position of awareness. The process of learning about oneself is extremely helpful in marriage as well – only when we fully know ourselves are we able to determine what type of a person is compatible with us.
Thus, married or not, we can do a lot. Yes, as spouses and parents, we can make a big impact on our family and society, but that doesn’t mean we can’t if we aren’t one of these two. So, yes, spouse and kids are not end in and of themselves rather means to an end; and we keep getting different means at various stages of our lives, Alhamdulillah. The rizq of marriage and kids will arrive when Allah allows them to. The thing is to not attach our hearts to temporary means, but to the ridaa (pleasure) of Allah since the purpose of our “entire” life is to worship HIM – and there are limitless incentives for that. We only need to focus on the present and value it and make the best of it, In sha Allah.
Make every day count, look for opportunities every day, do every act with taqwa seeking the rewards from Him alone. In this way, we will be fulfilling our purpose every single day, inshaallah.
May Allah make us among the best of the people who benefit others the most and make each moment of our lives a moment of ibadah and of closeness to Him, Ameen.
Written by Afeerah J. Khan