What’s most important in a marriage?
As an 18 year old who had her own fantasy notion of how her marriage should be, and would answer love and romance to the question of what is most important in a marriage. As a 20 year old, pregnant with my first child, with hormones flying all over the place I would have answered loyalty to the same question. After two children and overwhelming body insecurity I would have answered trust to the same question. Now, after ten years of marriage I realize that it is none of those things. Yes, love, loyalty and trust are important, but what is most important is being an effective communicator.
When we hear of an effective communicator, we think of someone who can articulate their words, thoughts, feelings and emotions perfectly so that their partner understands them. While that is definitely a part of effective communication, the other, often ignored part of being an effective communicator is being a good listener, and being a good listener especially when your partner is silent. From my perspective, I feel that silence speaks volumes. My husband is not a very expressive person, displaying emotions and being a romantic is not his strongest forte, but despite that I have no doubt regarding the love, care, respect, and trust that my husband has towards me because I have learned to read and listen to his silence.
Whereas on the flip side, there might be one person in a relationship, who will let the other person walk all over them. Though they may feel like they let the other person treat them in that way because they love them, it will do more harm than good to a relationship. This is because when you let someone walk all over you and take you for granted or you walk all over someone and take them for granted, at one point, the person who was being taken for granted can have an emotional meltdown or they may even think in the lines of self-harm. They may feel that whatever wrong that happens in the relationship is their fault. This is where being assertive comes in. Being assertive means to stand up for yourself while also being respectful of the other person.
In conclusion, to make any relationship work, especially a marriage, effective communication is key. When the foundation of communication is open and honest from both sides, then over the years it will strengthen the love, trust, respect and loyalty that couples have for each other.
Written by Khadijah Hisham